Today, there was light.

Today...Today I got to talk to Sydney for an entire hour on the phone. It might not seem so long to some of you but since my mother initially blocked her calls last year our calls have been limited to short snippets of conversation via the phones of friends. It was either that or XBox Live for us to talk. More often than not it's been through XBox Live...which is not always conductive to actual conversations considering my mother often comes in asking who I'm talking to, what I'm doing, etc.

But today...I was able to call her from a phone that was mine, while I was out shopping on my own (since Mother had a doctor's appointment randomly. YAY being abandoned for once). Most of that hour was spent wandering around Kohl's aimlessly, not really looking for anything, just so I could waste the time away talking to her. It was...wonderful. I missed the sound of her voice so much. I was so happy it was hard not to cry. I am looking forward to being able to call her more as I get back to school and I have drives home and breaks between classes to use up. ♥

Here's to hoping this means things on that end will continue to go well until I graduate and I can move out of here to a place we can call ours.

(no subject)

I am sitting here, in an N7 tank and pajama bottoms, wishing I at least had a crew to spend the holidays with. I feel like they've lost the feeling they used to have at my house. I'm going to be here alone tonight, eating pizza rolls as a Christmas Eve dinner as my parents go to my grandmother's.

Some of you may ask "Well Crystal, why don't you just go to your grandmother's and spend time with the family there?" I can't. I would but...since my grandfather passed, my grandmother has let all manner of people into her house--she has let my aunt bring in herself, her previously jailed friends, her current lay, and her dealers. I am...legitimately terrified of what people I will find there if I go. I can't...I shouldn't feel fear going to spend time with my family for the holidays--and those people shouldn't even be there.

I wish I could have gone to Florida for the holiday, but my mother would have never let me go and be out of town for the holiday...not that we're doing anything for it anyway. I would have loved to spend it with my fiancee...and with the friends she will be having over tomorrow. I would have loved to have seen Megan again, especially with the recent little addition to her family. I think that's what makes this hurt. I can't face the situation at my grandmother's, and I can't even spend time with those I have adopted as family--and so I am alone. And it sucks.

Merry Christmas.